Prologue: I wrote this May 15, 2013, five days before my husband announced he was leaving. ❣
i found a cricket in the kids room. second cricket indoors this week. i love crickets. i interpret these ones in my house lately as God being gentle with me. if you know any of what’s happening in my life right now, then you know what i mean.
today, as i disengaged the numerous locks on the sliding door (bubby deflectors) to let the cricket out, i heard God in my spirit, “I want to show you something.”
but i wrote it off — i’m a romantic so it’s very easy for me to make those kind of things up and i don’t like the disappointment of finding out they aren’t true.
so i tossed the cricket outside. i heard his little head bonk and i desperately hoped he wasn’t hurt. silly, i know.
then i stepped outside. i couldn’t resist. it smelled like winter and i LOVE the smell of winter. i think that’s what i love so much about fall: the smell of winter in it. the woodsmoke, the crisp air, the stillness at night…i love winter. i love fall too, but only because it heralds winter.
however, i digress.
i peered at the sky (i wasn’t wearing my glasses); i think it’s neat that stars are the one thing you can look at without glasses and see them just about as clearly as you would with glasses on.
i noticed how quiet and still it was.
i saw a spider’s web up on one of the birdfeeders. ‘hm,’ i thought. ‘maybe that’s what God wanted me to see.’ i stepped closer…but there was nothing spectacular about it. just a web…with a spider in it. and who really wants to get closer to a spider?
so i looked around one last time, the bitterness rising. ‘i always think God wants to talk to me, so i wait and wait but nothing ever happens! and then i get mad because nothing happens! and all i want is for God to talk to me…’
i looked over at my bug parked in the lot. it’s license plate says “CR1CKET”. it wasn’t parked next to bear’s car like it usually is; someone else was parked there, instead. and it made me so sad. or no—rather, it made me remember that i *am* so sad, right now.
it looked so lonely, all black and bubbly-round, sitting there in the dark…by itself. and my melodramatic self said, ‘that’s me. all alone.’
but despite the melodrama, it was true.
i turned to look at the bush in front of me. it had lots of little green leaflets all over the place. (i don’t think leaflets was a word until just now. maybe?) all those leaflets just sitting there, not moving a bit. nothing was moving. it was so quiet, cold, and still.
and suddenly, a bird chirped. the sound of spring.
at that moment, i was jolted into realizing: it felt like winter, cold and still and quiet. but it wasn’t really winter. it was spring! new life! new leaflets! re-birth and birds! and i thought about how i almost forgot that it was spring, because winter felt so real…
then these words popped into my head: “behold, I am doing a new thing…”
and i thought, ‘hm. God had something to show me after all.’ and my heart beamed.
sometimes, i’m not making things up after all. those are my favorite times.
“Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:19 (ESV)